eww I want rice

I just ate my life in that salad and fish and ice cream and nutty bar, wish is a very very bad thing I wonder if there's anything I can actually do right my stomach hurts it happens everytime I guess my self destructiveness is geting to a whole new level if people only knew what I'm up to feels weird having so much control.
There's a point in your life where you know there's no return to the normal self that you were I've been tryimg to cheer myself up... not happening