windows

WHen I wrote Ahmed's name with a razorblade on my right hip (how emo of me) I thought it was a link that we were going to share forever but how can you even share a link with someone you don't really know I'm so tired of secrets and lies wich for me are both the same thing I don't really know what to do with myself anymore but I know what I don't want. As we had the last conversation on saturday I saw the freaking ring I know because he said it a thousand times we should have lifes besides each other but what exactly does that mean, no one wears a ring for nothing specially a ring like that I've been a fool most of my life and that's not about to change I wish I was strong enough to do what I want but what I want will hurt people some people the real people wich is like my mom and that's basically it.
I've never been free never in my entire life there not a single day where I can say I'm free I know what I want and I'm trying really hard not to do it this one day at a time thing is not working I don't even think anyone could help me at this point my deistion is taking I'm just waiting for the right time