wishing

I wish I was happy I don't even know what real happiness means anymore there's highlights on my day when I am happy but it's so short I really can't be happy I'm tired of faking everything faking my life faking to feel good I wonder how would it feel to be jsut myself for once, I've been in the very same dark spot since forever and as much as I seem happy I am really not I really wish I ws fucking dead I really wish I didn't do as much stupid things as I fucking did I regret so many things but what can I do I'm still the same as when I was 16 very destructive they say you should regret what you do I do it all the time a fucking scar that will never EVER go away how can I take it away I want to wake up and be someone else why won't it go away as long as this scar stays there I'm not me I don't even know what I am