Espirales bathroom blogging

Estoy callendo por un espiral, that couldn't describe me better, I think there's always some old ways that never EVER go away, actually ways that hurt more than you can actually imagine. but then how can you know words mean what they actually mean.
I'm thinking for the first time in a long time I'll trust someone a secret, but then I wonder how would they re-act. *writting break to make some quesadillas* and the writting brewak took me almost oe day, I was so sleepy I cried because my eyes wouldn't close.
The other night a big black butterfly showed up in my room leaving me sleepless and thoughtful for the rest of the night, maybe because I am too supersticious, but really think twice when you decide to neglect this things, I thought everything was fine but thaks to my tequila developed 6th senese the first second i saw the butterfly only one person could come into my head, I tried to ignore it but the thought was there and it was today when I realized my thoughts were real.
For once I will like to get involved in a relationship with someone who is normal or at least less fucked up than me is that too much to ask?
I really miss the time when I was about 15 everything was so nice, new girl in town, people wondering about me, good times.
Old ways are very hard to remove old ways will bring all of us down. A living reminder are my swollen intestines that crackle every night. Last night a pill went down the sink and I wanted to get it back and I couldn't but then again none of this is making sense.
Christmas save me? All the exitemente I had by october is gone by november, I won't have a happy birthday if I don't hear the news.
My old ways are my only friend