nana na na na the boys are waiting

New days and the worse images run through my head for starters one of my classmates crack! What’s up with that? Do they think that showing the plomer’s crack is super hot and we will love them just for showing their “gluteos”

The last couple of days I finished the first book ( it was 24 pages long) and after that I felt super sleppy and took a long nap, reading about islam is not boring but is hard to understand many words Ijust don’t speak Arabic and I won’t speak it in a long time at least until I graduate from college.

Again at my favorite class we are learning how to make our brand 1cm wich has been a big fail for us because we have printed it like 10 times and now he is giving us the instructions for the final thingy I just realize that he enjoy humiliating people and I like to act like I am stupid, I am not stupid for the record but I like to pretend I am with this teacher he enjoys making fun of me and I enjoy playing with people, as sick as it may sound LOL

As days passes by my heartbreak hurts a little less, I am already looking at other people, but I am not recovered, I just look to forget, I think eventually I will find someone for me, but I don’t feel like I will love someone again, for me now a relationship is like a contract is not love but someone who will help you, is not passion

This is me getting my tan in
Japon pon!!

Bumps on my dough!

That's how I can define my life at the moment, poor dad he is in so much pain I wonder how is is right now because since I stayed with him on the hopsital yesterday I got to come home to sleep tonight, I will sleep when I finish this post I am sooo damn sleppy, I have to admit since this thing of my dad happened I can see who are my real friends a.k.a the ones who care and that will be only 3 and those 3 already know who they are p.s if you have no clue on what I am talking about that means you areoviously not included on those 3, well I won't judge I mean usually I'm the last one to know things.
With all this stuff going on I haven't got any time to read any of the books I downloaded, I put this picture up first cuz I'm super proud of myself I got this headscarf together although is not like an actualy headscarf. Second because I am getting mixed reactions, today my mom was so angry because I told her of the headscarf she thinks that's like humilliating for a woman but I find it good I mean for me is respect to god and apreciation of the beautiful body he gave to me.
Noone got my into this I didn't even knew my ex when I learned about islam but now everyone thinks I am beeing brainwashed.
Speaking of (Ahmed) the last conversation we had was a total failure, we will never get back together, I finally see his true colors and I think I finally get why we are not together it was the best for me.
Now I don't want to go to school is like pffft so boring but just this week and then freedom for 2 weeks my goal is to know how to pray in those 2 weeks.
Today the weirdest thing happened a guy came to ask us for money because supposely he got beaten and shit I got paranoid and remembered "A clockwork orange" Now I can't sleep tho Iam tired as I've never been before I just keep imagining someone comes in is like what can we do in that care well... nothing just hope for the police come really quick because we have an alarm system damn i want to listen to system of a down ( totally random)
No matter how much of a good girl I am trying to be I still have some defects and that will be GUYS I can't stop looking I wonder if that is wrong I bet it is, I am listening to like weird music I got beacause one of my cousins and I went to see infected mushroom as mentioned in previoud notes and I really really liked one of the guys that were playing that would be skazi and first I like his music I don't know why and second because he is cute in a "look at me I look like a psyco kind of way.

I adoreee ADORE the msn song hahaha I always get like 0.o? when I heart it

P.S Nigga is growning so much I love him he is the best chia pet ever!

What's usually missing?

As I listen to Hawaii music I do something I shouldn't have done ask something you shouldn't ask to the only person in the universe you shouldn't speak to, so then the most akward answers follows and I stay with the same heartache and I ask even more questions as I mentioned in previous notes I am a girl who is asking all the wrong things in all the wrong times.
And then I go and tell him about all the good things I do, like he acts like cares I know he doesn't. I should have followed everyone's good advice and just not go there, just stay away from this akward moment that leaves me breathless my hands are shaking like they never did

I will visit my dad later I'm baking now

It's Friday and I'm inlove.... NOT!!

Today I had one of the creppiest days of my life first of at school everything was great actually I'm finally dealing with most of my teachers in a possitive way and today it was Mr. FAV contest wich was relaly awesome but my friend Sam and I had to go because we were supposed to have lunch at Yamato, it was really awesome and my day was perfect till then food was really perfect and Sr. Jorge gave us the best roll I ever had. I didn't carry my cellphone with me because I thought I lost it so it was almost impossible to reach me.
Around 3 pm my sister called my friend Sam and she hands the phone to me I pick up and first thing she says "Dad is at the hospital" I swear I felt like I almost faited my blood went down to my feet and god I thought so many things, then she adds "Do not worry he was only hit by a car" WTF! Do not worry!
She had spoke to him previously and he was aparently fine I didn't knew anything because I was incomunicated so I came inmediately back home and we went to the hospital I saw my poor dad in the bed with a cast on his leg and almost inmediately they took him to surgery about 2 or 3 hours later he was out now he is comming back of it and I'm not there because mom took me home, but tomorrow I will bake vanilla cupcakes to him so he can feel better (:
I just hope everything ends up well I can't sleep and I need to because I've been awake for 21 hours

Once upon a time there was a girl named Eli

Regarding Islam my friend Meto introduced me to his friend ahmed ( that will be my 5^th ahmed that I know) well I have to say seems he is going to very helpful he is going to be helping me with my prayers. I’m looking everywhere for a head scarf so I can do my prayers I don’t want to put just a fabric in my head, and I’m happy with my clothes research I found most of the things I was looking for big shirts and I found some scarves but they were super mega colorful is not that much modest I’m just looking for a black head scarf I’m happy I’ve got a lot of dresses at least I have stuff I can wear to school and when I go out, people say by dressing up I won’t magically become a Muslim but at least I’m working on it, of course I’m reading the Quran and trying to understand it, reading online books and getting more Muslim contacts.

Unfortunately in Mexico Islam is not a very popular religion and people are full of misconceptions created by the Catholics I remember when I was in middle school I studied in a catholic church and my teachers took about one month on talking about all the bad things other religions and believing do I remember they were so hard on Islam, they said awful things they showed us some movies about Iran, I was so scared and I couldn’t believe what I was looking at, of course at the time I didn’t understand most of the things I saw in the video I was just scared, there was a husband beating his wife, poor woman she always got beaten, and she hated Islam, they showed us also pictures of woman wearing the niqab that also scared me, but again I didn’t understand much of what I was looking at, I was young and being in a catholic school they don’t believe in respect to other cultures. I remember I thought something was wrong about the teachings they gave to us I just didn’t knew what it was but I just felt it.

When I entered to high school and left catholic school behind I had a lot of questions because all my life I’ve known only one side of the story of Islam and all I had was misconceptions and prejudice I couldn’t understand Muslim people or their beliefs, so later on I got an assignment of different religions besides christens and I have to admit it was interesting I felt very curious about it on that time I got to investigate Buddhism but I remember Islam was one of the options, I didn’t get that one because it was totally random, either way out of my curiosity I decided to investigate all of them not very deeply just a little bit, so that’s all I did of course it left me with more questions that I could have ever imagined, but I left all the investigations and moved on. I always kept in mind that I wanted to keep researching unfortunately I was kind of scared of all the interest I showed on other religions and I decided to get to know better my own religions Catholicism at the time I went to church every Sunday I prayed I look for answers all the time, unfortunately all I felt was a lack of information and a big lack of respect for god. I stopped trying.

On university one day I was looking at YouTube videos about Christ I was still trying to find my faith in what my parents told me, because it wasn’t easy for me I didn’t knew how they would react I didn’t wanted to be different I tried my best to stick with what I knew, I was sure they were going to think that I only did things to find more attention or something like that, because I’ve always been the type of girl that does a lot of research and always has questions, I guess I’ve always been like a small kid with questions about everything.

So anyway watching those videos one of the links was about a catholic woman- actually she was Mexican like me- who converted to Islam I couldn’t believe what I saw the first thing that got my attention was the security and happiness that she showed, of course I was kind of scared because she was wearing a hijab ( head scarf) and the respect and love she showed to god, instantly I said I wanted to be like her there in front of me was the answer of all I’ve been looking for.

This time I decided I was not going to be scared, and from that day I started researching and I did not stopped, every video I saw was a proof to me that I found what I was looking for, it was making me very happy I felt more secure every day I felt I had something that I loved reading about something that will answer all my questions. Now I understand some of the things because there’s a lot to learn I understand why the head scarf and I can’t wait to find one so I can wear it, I understand the reason of everything and the more I find the more I like it.

In my future I look forward to know enough to teach other people my wish is for everyone to know Islam in a good way to erase all the misconceptions in my country to make people feel they way I did when I saw the video, I think the best thing to have in information and having all your questions solved, of course I respect other type of views, I know people find this feelings in other religions and that’s fine I won’t mess with them. In a longer future I hope I am recognized by studying Islam and I hope people know me for being a good Muslim woman I hope I can teach and finally I hope to make a difference in the world of Islam, all of this will take time I know but I’m willing to give all my life for it.

At the moment I am just a beginner I don’t know a lot, but I want to thank all the people that have been helping me with information I know god will reward you for that.

Today at class

Today at my class with my favorite teacher Hidalgo was as usual bragging about his talents and lecturing us so we can feel ignorant which is awesome, at least now I have enough patience to bare with it, my problem is I’m so expressive he can see in my face that I totally dislike him. Today I have to study a lot for my culture test tomorrow with my teacher Benito, I like him he is cute in an “I’m so weird” kind of way.

From now on I will blog in English because I’m forgetting how to write and talk in a proper way, yesterday I didn’t look at any video of Ahmadinejad because I’m starting to like him a lot and is SO not right but he is so amazingly persuasive I believe him when he says holocaust is a myth!

Today will be a lazy ass day I will sleep all afternoon and study in the night and in the gym it doesn’t matter if I lose my sight for reading on the workout machines.

Napoleon Bonaparte / In Iran we do NOT have this fenomenon

Y que me sale el en un test que soy el no me sorprendio todo el mundo sabe que soy una narcisita, egosita, elitista de lo peor
veo videos de

Ahmadinejad

love forever and ever

" As for woman is not a crime to be a woman, woman are the ebst creature created by god, womans are respected in Iran, in Iran every family that's given a girl there are 10 times happier, woman are more respected than man, in an irnaian culture man and sons and girls constantly kiss the hands of their mother as a sign of respect and we are proud of this culture"
I wish I was iranian

Homophobia and all that B.S aside in my heart I know I want a leader like him I admire him I want to meet him and stuff I'm naive in that but I know if I want it bad enough it will happen

Promesas y mas promesas

No entiendo a mi heroe Florentino Ariza, como tenia tanta paciencia despues de que Fermina se casó, como puede tener tanto amor para no morir de la desesperación, yo muero y muero lentamente. Ya se que es una novela pero yo se que puedo hacer el mismo sacrificio. No entiendo en verdad el nervio de acero y el amor interminable cuando yo siento que en mi corazón no cabe tanto.

Hoy fui a HEB y compre una nieve muy cara y tenia chingos de hielo que coraje porque yo soy bien freak de la nieve asi que me caga que tenga hielos, creo que aprendere a hacer nieve aunque sea a mano vilmente, por eso empeze a hornear porque me cagsaban todos los cupcakes que ya existian. Hoy tome la siesta y ya no pude hornear bien IDIOTA! es que la verdad aunque no lo quiera aceptar todo esto de ahmed me afecto mas de lo que creia en verdad no lo creo pero estoy de que no quiero hacer nada solo dormir y nada me entusiasma nisiquiera lo de los brownies que ya aprendi a hacer no se porque es asi pero bueno.
No se porque pero presiento que en los proximos dias mi fidelidad eterna va a tener una prueba, la prueba mas desisiva, no se porque presiento que no la voy a pasar.
Ya estoy divagando mucho y tengo que hacer un analisis de un cuento.
Pero es que no entiendo como las cosas pueden cambir de un dia a otro.
En mi vida diaria no se no tengo ganas de hacer nada

Cambio y fuera

Talvez me inspire

Tal vez las cosas pasen por algo. Yo soy Helena de la broma, soy la que se aferra al partido comunista porque el partido es el único que le ha mostrado fidelidad, soy Teresa de la insoportable levedad del ser, la que le tiemblan las manos ante la incertidumbre. Soy la que es fiel, la que siempre esta ahí, pero también soy la temible e insegura, soy la que ama aunque sabe que va a ser traicionada.
Cansada de mi lastimoso estado de víctima e inspirada por la música de hawaii me olvido de todo y empiezo de nuevo, me aferro a mi partido: el islam, me aferro a lo único que no me ha fallado: mi negocio ( aunque a veces no nos va tan bien) Me aferro a dios que es todo lo que tengo y me aferro a la disciplina que esta descion toma y quiero ser la mejor persona que haya pisado la tierra, solo para demostrarte lo que te pierdes, pero definitivamente soy Florentino Ariza soy la que te jura amor y fidelidad eterna, la que te entrego el alma y va a esperar todo lo que sea necesario para cuando estes con ella. Sentada se va a esperar.
Hay cosas que distraen a Florentino hay cosas que me distraen, pero sere fuerte para ti fui, soy y sere Florentino Ariza la eterna enamorada.


Asi va a ser mi negocio
enjoy!

Hawaii

Pero que buena musica que escuchan alla me gustaria estar disfrutando del sol lejos de toda la gente de Monterrey que la verdad me enferma tanta gente tan falsa, pero creo que gente falsa hay en todos lados y ni en hawaii me librare de ellos, sigo sintiendome vacia, seria mejor ser asimilada y ser como los demas, ser falsa, fumar y tomar por ser cool, ser una chica comun toda pendeja sin opinion propia sin personalidad, ser una idiota wannabe cool, aunque estoy deacuerdo que aveces soy wannabe rara vez cuando quiero o necesito algo talvez no soy wannabe solo soy una perra egoista manipuladora.

Hasta que nos encontremos de nuevo mi amor, hasta ese dia sabre que todo lo que voy a hacer en los proximos años tuvo sentido. Aunque actuo por mi, por demostrar que puedo ser diferente, cambio porque quiero olvidar, porque todavia no siento mi corazon y siento que algo me fue arrebatado me levanto y me falta algo, ya no pienso en ti todo el dia ni espero para poder verte ya no hago nada que me recuerde a ti, ni pienso que eres diferente, mis planes cambiaron del dia a la mañana y duele saber que asi sera para siempre. Te voy a olvidar pero siempre estare contigo porque te di mi corazon y nunca me diste el turo asi que te quedas con dos y yo con ninguno. No te deseo ningun mal, jamas lo hare porque te amo y te ame como a ningun otro y contigo cierro esa etapa de mi vida en la que ame y me amaste, contigo se acaba el amor y empieza una nueva vida.





Quiero aprender a tejer
compeltare mi estado
celibe

Nigga en plena pubertad y dolores de cabeza

Todo el dia me ha dolido la cabeza no se porque y dormi demasiadas horas siento como que me falta algo en verdad me siento vacia siento que algo murio en mi, me levante y me puse ropas holgadas me senti fodonga y ya me puse una playera mas pegadita y unos jeans sueltos playeras de kitty cualquier cosa que me haga feliz. Mi cabeza me va a explotar, quiero volver a ser la insensible de antes

¿Y el Sabado?

El sabado me di cuenta de que absolutamente todas las personas son iguales, no hay diferentes, no hay esa persona especial que es mejor que yo , todos somos la misma mierda.
Mis lagrimas son tan saladas no se poruqe.. si alguien lee esto diganme porque las lagrimas saben saladas pero bueno nunca pense que podia llorar tanto, y no es por perder a el amor de mi vida, si no por darme cuenta de que en verdad no existe ninguna persona buena, no existe nadie mas bueno que yo, que todos los planes que tenia ya han cambiado y que ya no se que voy a hacer.
Me siento como una niña sin cono de nieve, siento que me quitaron todo, no solo mi amor si no mis esperanzas, lo que mas me duele es la decepcion, lo que mas me duele es que soy demasiado estupida DEMASIADO, que no se nada de la vida que soy demasiado ingenua que todos me ven la cara de pendeja. Tengo 20 años siento que tengo el corazon de una niña de 5 que soy debil y que todo me lastima, siento que ahora si voy a aprender y juro ( publicamente porque todos lo veran) que nunca voy a demostrar lo que siento y que jamas volvere a amar realmente a nadie porque no hay ninguna persona que lo valga, la situacion no lo vale, de que sirve amar tanto solo duele, duele mas de lo que se disfruta, disculpen el pesimismo pero ya soy oficialmente posmoderna.
Nada podria explicar
mejor como me
siento

Viernes de hongos infectados Sabado de comer nieve en depresion

Ayer fui al concierto gig tocada de infected mushroom fue lo mejor de lo mejor tanta energia es indescriptible fue uno de los mejores conciertos de mi vida me la pase de lo mejor ambiente chido la verdad pero no lleve camara asi que no tengo evidencia mas que mis recuerdos , nunca pense lo que sucederia al dia siguiente. Para no arruinar mi entrada lo escribire en entradas difernetes. En resumen el concierto fue lo mejor del año 2009 ( despues de la pelicula de slumdog millionare) y claro que porsupuesto que los volveria a ver

Pames Huachichiles y Jonacez

Estoy muy desorientada aparentemente no se los puntos cardinales el maestro Benito nos da las respuestas del examen y me termino el agua de Claudia a.k.a Sam, el dia de hoy el divo de la fav a.k.a Hidalgo nos felicito por nuestro trabajo no se porque en realidad y yo blogeo como la blogger que soy me enctanta bloggear en clase despues preguntare por los apuntes. Sam me torcio :S Bueno en fin como decia ayer compuse uan cancion sobre el tequila y no me la puedo sacar de la cabeza hoy me quedare hasta las 4 claro que quiero perrear por eso y viendo documentales ojalaa y esten interesantes ojala y no duren las cuatro horas
Nota rapida basicamente
Cambio y fuera vatos
P.S tengo dinero de cupcakes YEAHHH moldes time
Regrese estoy en un salon super chiquito con 400 personas y huele tannnn mal puse foto de M.I.A porque la amo masivamente en una forma no lesbica empiezo a pensar que me atraen los terroristas.
Problemas de Eli: ser completamente incapaz de aceptar a las personas super extrañas que hacen cosas raras como artes marciales Oh BRB ahora en el salon me explican de que se va a tratar mi examen final, no creo, me parece sureal que en u grupo de tantas personas NADIE me hable, se que soy muy odiosa pero estas personas nisiquiera se han dado el lujo de conocerme, porque en verdad digo que es un lujo pues no le hablo a cualquiera. Tengo 32 horas para trabajar.
Estoy nerviosa la verdad mis compañeros no les confio aunque yo se que tengo talento pero eso n es suficiente.
NERVIOS no quiero modelos feas

M.I M.I M.I.A!!!!
All I want to do it
bang bang bang caching
and take ur money