What's usually missing?

As I listen to Hawaii music I do something I shouldn't have done ask something you shouldn't ask to the only person in the universe you shouldn't speak to, so then the most akward answers follows and I stay with the same heartache and I ask even more questions as I mentioned in previous notes I am a girl who is asking all the wrong things in all the wrong times.
And then I go and tell him about all the good things I do, like he acts like cares I know he doesn't. I should have followed everyone's good advice and just not go there, just stay away from this akward moment that leaves me breathless my hands are shaking like they never did

I will visit my dad later I'm baking now